Can we really have it all?

Today I found out that my great friend, and fellow doc program survivor, Pam is going to have a baby! Pam and I have shared everything over the last three years. The insecurities and successes of getting a Ph.D. The late nights, the long days, the crappy salaries, the trips to present across the country. We have taken every single class together, and now we're both working on dissertations. Our husbands have become great friends also, coping with being "Ph.D. widowers" through golf. We have also shared some pretty serious things too, like the death of a student and a serious illness. Now we're facing a crossroad. We're getting our "big girl" jobs. And now Pam is facing the questions I'm already asking myself. She's really excited about being a mom. But she's really worried about managing the huge responsibilities of raising a child with the huge responsibilities of being a college professor.

You know, most of us in the field of Special Ed feel we have a great calling to do this work. It isn't just a job to us, it's a mantra, a passion, a way of living out social justice everyday. We have the potential to change the lives of hundreds, even thousands of students through the teachers we train and the research we conduct. So it's not easy to answer the questions of balancing marriage, family, and career. And then there's the trailblazers to think about...the Gloria Steinems. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have the ability to choose career or family, or career AND family.

There are lots of forboding thoughts. Such as...can I be a great mom and still change the world, all at the same time? Will I still care about my work once I have kids? How will I manage to do all these things and still keep my marriage on solid ground? My advisor gave me some good advice. She said, you do not have to be perfect at everything. You can be a good enough mom and a good enough professor, and everything will come out just fine. I also have to remember that I don't have to do any of this alone. It's hard to think that way when you are raised by a single parent (A superwoman single parent!).

At the end of the day, I really want both. I have a deep, organic desire to have a family. To create a physical representation of the love Phillip and I have for each other. I think we're pretty interesting people alone...who knows what the combination can bring to the world. :) But I also have a deep, organic desire to help kids at risk for failure, and the teachers who teach them. I guess I'm hoping Chaka Khan was right..."I'm every woman...it's all in me...".