Going Public with Something Big

For the last year, Phillip and I have been in "secret" conversation about taking a huge step in our lives. We haven't been very open about discussing this big decision, because it needed to be done within the marriage. We had to know that we had prayerfully considered our options and chosen the right path.

Many of you know (but many of you don't know), that I have an autoimmune disorder-Immune Thrombocytopenia Pupura. It's complicated to get into the details, but if you're really curious go crazy on WebMD. The big idea is this-my immune system is overly robust and kills off my platelets, making it difficult for my blood to clot. A few years ago I was really sick and ended up having chemotherapy after several other therapies failed. In addition, I have a borderline positive lupus anticoagulant. It doesn't mean I have lupus, but it does mean that I have two opposing blood issues-the anticoagulant causes blood clots. Both of these things make pregnancy high risk; recurrent miscarriages are common.

Again, I rarely share this level of personal information on the blog, but we both feel it's important to go "public" with this decision. In the last year, I have had two miscarriages, likely due to the autoimmune issues, though of course, the doctors say "we can't be sure". The ITP can also be transferred to the baby if we were to choose to have a biological child, which can be life threatening.

So, after much prayer, discussion, over analyzing, and in some ways, grieving, we have decided to actively pursue adopting a newborn! All of our immediate family knows this at this point, which is why we have decided to reveal it on the blog. Please don't be offended if you are a friend that didn't get a personal call-it's hard to explain the same thing over and over again. It's pretty emotional. I can barely talk about it without crying. Mostly tears of joy!

We are in the very beginning stages of this process. We have an adoption agency and an attorney. The agency we are working with places newborns for 55% of people within four months, with the longest wait being 12-15 months. Wow, that's fast!

We are beginning the home study on Friday afternoon with our second phone consultation.

We are beyond excited. We are beyond nervous. But, we know that this is the path God has chosen for us, and we're ready for whatever the challenge may bring. In a few short months to a year, we will hopefully be mommy and daddy. I told Phillip today that the only other decision I've had this much peace about was my decision to marry him. That level of peace proved to be a great decision, so I can only believe this will be the same.

We will keep you posted through the blog on our progress. But in the meantime, send all the good vibes, prayers, and encouragement our way. Pray that we can financially sustain this choice. Pray that God sends us the baby who was always meant to be ours. We are SURE this is the right choice for us.

Today I heard this song for the first time on the radio. It's a perfect reflection of how we feel about making our family a reality... how we feel about this journey and GIANT leap of faith.  It's worth the listen. My favorite lines are these...

"And all along I believed I would find you 

time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousad years 

I love you for a thousand more....

one step closer....

one step closer...

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid 

I have loved you for a thousand years 

I love you for a thousand more"