So How Does it Work?

So how does this adoption thing work anyway? Let's talk logistics. First of all, it's important to say it's not an easy process. There are certainly lots of hoops to jump through and expenses to pay (all worth it of course). It does make you think, though, if every couple had to expose themselves and be evaluated in this way, would they all be fit parents? It doesn't seem logical, but I do try not to question what seems to be so clearly the right path for us.

There are basically three phases. We are in phase one, but moving toward phase two very quickly.

Phase 1: Preparation
1. Fill out Adoptive Parent Questionnaire-basically what type of baby we are willing to accept, our histories, our income, etc., etc., etc. Think really extensive form at the doctor's office or the IRS.

2. Home study. This takes 6-8 weeks. We have our first meeting on Friday. Our adoption agency contracts with a social worker who makes sure we are fit to parent. The first visit is a "get to know you and your reasons for adopting" visit.  As we move forward, we'll have to show that we are prepared to bring a baby home-by having a nursery, a carseat, and various safety features throughout our home. Oh, and we have to be fingerprinted and checked by the FBI. No, I'm not kidding. Wow, pregnancy would just be so much easier if it wasn't for that darn auto-immune disorder...


3. Create our adoptive parent profile. Our agency markets online and in print, so we will create a profile about our life, including about 50 pictures, video, and a letter to the birth mother (of which we currently have a draft), among other details about who we are. It seems odd, but basically we are marketing ourselves to prospective mothers. Our goal with this is to try to be as natural, authentic, and truthful we can be. It's a lot of pressure, honestly. We don't have the most money in the world, but we do have lots of love. It's hard to express that in words, pictures, and video, to someone you don't know, but we'll do our best!

Phase 2: Waiting Game

During the second phase, the agency markets you to birthmothers until you find a "match". A match means that you meet all the criteria of the birthmother, and the birthmother meets your criteria as well. Tonight I googled how many children are adopted each year in the U.S. by someone that is unrelated to them. It's 60,000. That might seem like a lot, but when you think about the total population of babies born, it's really a pretty small number. We could wait 60 days. We could wait 12-15 months. We are prepared to be patient, because we know that "our baby" will be meant for us. Honestly, the 60 day part is a little scary-moms who have been pregnant-can you imagine a 60 day gestation? A two month pregnancy??? And I've had people tell me not to put up a nursery until the baby arrives....would you like to be running like a crazed lunatic down the Babies R Us aisles knowing you had days/hours before your baby arrived? No, I don't think so. Let the nesting begin.

Phase 3: Match!

In the third phase, a birth mother will have selected us and we have agreed to the match. Then we have to decide on the type of adoption we want. Open, semi-open, closed. We would very much like to be present at the birth, but we'll have to wait and see. Some birthmothers find out the gender of the baby, others choose not to. So, we might not know whether it's a boy or a girl until the day our child arrives in the world. I'm kind of hoping we won't know, but Phillip wants to know. I'm sure if I were pregnant I wouldn't be able to stand it-I'd have to know. But, this is somehow different.

Phase 4: Birth and Post-Placement Observation

We may or may not be in the room when the baby is born, It depends on the birthmom's comfort level, and we totally respect this. But, 90% of adoptive parents with our agency take the baby home directly from the hospital. Today I looked at Phillip and said, what do you DO with a newborn??? His reply? Trial and error, just like you would if it were a biological child. I love that man. After the baby comes home with us, we will have to have a number of observations with our same social worker to make sure everything is going well.

Our main goal right now is to get through the home visit and profile creation as quickly as possible, so birthmoms can begin to view our profile. It's certainly not a race, but as many of you moms know, the second you decide it's "time", it seems like everything needs to be on fast forward.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to finalize the letter to our birthmom. We have a draft, but I'm not ready to share it yet. When it's finished, we will certainly share it with you. Until then, pray that we have a smooth home study process and that we can gather the materials to create our profile quickly and efficiently.