Kindness

"Kindness" is a word we all know. We might all have different definitions of exactly what it means, but we all have a general idea. Since our adoption announcement, I have experienced kindness in a way I never have before.  It feels undeserved. It feels amazing. I am on cloud nine because of a week full of kindness.

So, just for kicks, I looked up the meaning of the word "kind" in the dictionary (I know, I'm a total nerd, but really, you already knew that). Here it is:

Kind--of a benevolent nature or disposition; indulgent, considerate, humane, mild, gentle, loving, affectionate.

I can wholeheartedly say that this week I have experienced every. single. one. of these definitions from SO many people. People I know well. People I have never met. People I didn't expect to care.

The irony beauty of this is that these are exactly the values I want to teach our child (children, yes, we want more than one). So to see this modeled before this very special baby comes into our life is unexpected and beautiful.

I'm going to give you some examples. No names, just kind words. Words that made me cry. Words that humbled me. Words that gave me goosebumps. Words that made me feel like I was floating on a cloud, literally. Don't get me wrong, I will reiterate that I KNOW the risks of this process. I know that raising a child is not easy work. I don't care. I'm ready. Bring it. I have WAY too much love to give and not enough people to give it to. Baby Kretlow, I hope you are somehow hearing this and making your way to us. One of my BEST friends yesterday told me this---"I want you to act like an expectant mother, because THAT's what you are". It was a life-changing statement. I could keep quiet. I could shirk in the shadows. But what good what that do me or anyone else's life I could influence? I'm a really private person. If you know me, you know this is true. But somehow, the "trek" to motherhood is changing all that. Enjoy the amazing words written below. I am so blessed.

Here are some of the kind words. I'm not including anyone's name, because I haven't asked permission. Just feel compelled to share the kindness that exists in this world. This sample (and I mean SAMPLE-because I have literally received over 50 emails this week....I'm trying to respond to everyone personally, so please be patient with me!) spans a wide swath of the people in my life. One is from a colleague I don't know well, one is from someone who has known me since I was an awkward 12 year old middle schooler, and one who was one of the most amazing teachers I ever had in my K-12 experience. Read them. Seriously. Be amazed at the kindness. I am. Love to you ALL.

Hi, Allison.

I am so happy for you and your husband. I also appreciate you sharing such intimate details of your life on your blog; it really is sharing. Your story resonates with much of my own experience, although Dan and I are on a different path. We realized that a baby isn't part of God's plan for us. We are at peace with it; in the subsequent years we have had much proof of why this is the right thing for us. But, I am always so happy to celebrate with other people. And, since I'm one of the weirdos who like tweens and teens, I get to enjoy other people's children much longer than most :)

For me, one of the most difficult pieces of the journey was feeling so alone with my longing and grief. Babies grow on trees in your 20s and 30s. Kind people  ask endlessly naïve and unintentionally cruel questions about why you don't have kids. I hope this isn't familiar to you but I suspect it is. A post such as yours would have meant a great deal to me during many long dark nights. I appreciate your courage and your kindness in sharing. 


I believe that God helps all parents and children find each other. Your little baby just has a bad sense of direction :) He or she will find you soon.  


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Just wanted to tell you that I'm SOOO excited for you. I can't wait to hear how this adoption journey unfolds for you and to meet your child!!! You will be an AWESOME Mom. Seriously. You just let us know when you want your shower. 

Keep good notes for me! We have wanted to adopt for a long time, but for many reasons feel like we'll be starting the process sooner vs. later. And most of my friends (almost all, actually) have adopted internationally. I think (again for many reasons) that we want to adopt domestically. Not that you asked all that...but I'm excited to get to hear about your experience and gain wisdom from you!!!

Love you!

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Hi Allison,

I wanted to write and congratulate you on your wonderful news. I am so thrilled to hear that you will be adopting (and soon at that)! You will be the most amazing mother. Of that I am sure!

My husband is adopted and it's something he and I have considered and continued to consider.

I was deeply saddened to read of the problems you had with your health and with fertility. I don't want to over-share or gross out a former student, but my husband and I have had fertility challenges as well. We were lucky enough to have one successful IVF cycle followed by a failed cycle this year (at $15,00-$25,000 out of pocket each time). I know first-hand the pain you are experiencing and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in what you have experienced. So few of us have the courage to discuss it publicly. I appreciated your post so much.

Please know that I am thinking of you and your family and rooting for a successful adoption! 

I'm old enough to know that I usually need to act on these feelings.

Take care and thank you again!