10 Reasons Why

I am slowly but surely coming out of my adoption blues....remembering what the outcome is....remembering that it's a marathon, not a sprint. I can't really explain the uplifting, just that is happening, and I'm grateful. I looked at our Lillypie Adoption Ticker on the side of our blog today and realized that we've been "officially" on this journey for 8 months. It seems so much slower and faster at the same time.

I have come to realize that my journey to becoming a mother through adoption is a roller coaster of emotions. I'm betting that's the case for all moms, but I can only speak for myself. My journey, my roller coaster, my emotions. On any roller coaster there are pits and peaks. To be transparent, I HATE roller coasters. No big surprise there, right?

But, I have made a decision. To try my best to see the upside. To enjoy the journey. I can't promise I won't have more "pits".....actually, I can almost certainly promise that I will. But today, I want to focus on the 10 reasons why I'm looking forward to adoption and parenthood. So here goes.

1. I can't wait for the day when we have the full match amount. The day we go active and birthmothers view our profile. I don't know when that day will be. I anticipate many months.

2. I can't wait until that day when my phone rings that someone has chosen us.

3. I can't wait to hold my child for the first time. I have no idea what the circumstances will be surrounding this. I know it will likely be in a hospital in a state where we don't live. I don't know if we/I will be in the delivery room or not. It doesn't matter to me. I just can't wait for that moment. I don't care that our first days as parents will likely be in a hotel room. I just can't wait.

4. I can't wait to find out if our baby will be a girl or a boy. It doesn't matter to me either way. We have solid names picked for both; family names that carry important meaning for both of us. I can't wait to call my son or daughter by his/her name.

5. I can't wait to feed my baby for the first time. I don't know why this seems significant to me, but it does. Perhaps it's the innate need of a mother to take care of her child. I always wanted to breastfeed; that won't happen, but I still can't wait to bond with my baby by feeding him/her.

6. I can't wait to watch Phillip hold our baby for the first time. He will be unable to contain himself. I will be unable to contain my emotions.

7. I can't wait to meet the birthmother. What an amazing woman. I love her already. The love you must have for your child to do what she will do. It's unfathomable. Amazing. Brave.

8. I can't wait to introduce our baby to the family. To envelope him/her into a safety net of love and adoration. This kid will have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more to love him or her. People who have been so incredibly supportive of our journey to become parents. I'm thinking I'll have to pry him/her out of these people's arms. Not a bad problem to have.

9. I can't wait to have maternity leave. A time to bond with my child. I'm so lucky that JMU has a wonderful maternity leave policy. I look forward to spending that time focusing on my family. Given that I've been in school, teaching school, or teaching college since I was five with NO breaks; I think maternity leave will give me space to focus solely on my family....if even for a short time.

10. I can't wait to be a family. Yes, Phillip and I are a family. But we are incomplete. We do love each other enough for a lifetime. We have both said that if we never had a child, we are enough for each other. I know that to be true. But, I also know we were meant to parent, and I cannot wait until our tiny family of two is expanded into three. Baby Kretlow. Real. In the flesh. The wait might be long, but I'm willing to stay the course. My eye is on the prize.