Mother's Day Part 3: Adoption Hormones?

Thanks for indulging me in this four part series. In payment for this indulgence, I promise not to blog about anything I find annoying about mommy blogs, like snot, etc., etc., etc. I also promise not to just blog about being a mom, although I know this space has been heavy with that for a while, and will continue to be.

The main idea of this post-I am starting to believe that there are "adoption hormones". Or perhaps, any journey to motherhood is an emotional one.

As I've said, this past weekend we celebrated Mother's Day in NC with my mom. My sweet sis Mary really wanted us all to go to church together, so we did. I have to be honest, I was a little worried about how I would handle an entire church service focused on motherhood. Turns out, my worry was warranted.

First of all, two of my favorite hymns were in the service-Great is Thy Faithfulness and How Great Thou Art. Full on piano, organ, drums, trumpets, flutes, and so on. Our church is pretty much the exact opposite of that, so it had a pretty big, unexpected emotional impact on me. Thank GOD (literally) we were sitting in the balcony so I could make an easy escape the bathroom.

The minister (who I disagree with on about 99.9% of doctrine, but this day was spot on), had four main points. Here they are:

1. It takes courageous faith to mother children, unconditional love and hope.
2. We should respect a mother's authority to build a strong family.
3. Broken hearts and pain come with the role of a mother.
4. We are responsible for the well-being of mothers.

My eyes started welling up on #1, and with Phillip squeezing my hand beside me, that's all it took for the full-on water works to occur. I ended up in the bathroom with my mom holding me and crying, too. These were not sad tears, really. Well, maybe there's some grieving left to do. They were more tears of finally knowing my journey to motherhood is underway. I can talk about it. I can prepare for it (as much as anyone can). I can acknowledge that I AM an expectant mother.

This journey is a wild ride. I never expected to be such a hot mess. But I'm embracing it, allowing myself to feel what I need to feel, and garnishing the support from people who love me in order to do it. I'm feeling safer and safer and safer letting down my own boundaries and shedding any negative energy that comes our way.

The final thought that came to me as I was sitting (still wiping tears like a crazy lunatic) in the service was that this could be the last mother's day I spend as a non-mother. And that, was my prayer on Mother's Day.